names

My parents chose my name because my Chinese name started with C. From the 2003 list of most popular girl names, they found C--Christine. In fact, I was given my Chinese name first, and then my English name. My Chinese name was created by my grandfather. Its meaning: “A sweet grass that grows in the fields”.

There was a time I couldn’t recall how to write my Chinese name. A whole summer had passed, and I hadn’t written Chinese. Honestly, it was a little embarrassing. But, I was ok:) I can write it now.

I remember the name poetry we did. How each letter of your name would be the start of something that described yourself. C--Creative, H--helpful… My 9 letter name. I had to write so much more than Mia, Lily, Abby. Could I think of enough adjectives to describe me?

I remember feeling isolated in class by my last name, Zeng. It was the last letter of the alphabet. The teacher would always call up to the last names through t, and then there would be a huge gap. Endless it seemed. Until Z. Last person standing when desks were rearranged, last person to get into line. It did help when we did presentations. I was always last. There was an endless amount of time to prepare. 

But as time has passed, I’ve grown to understand and accept my name. Because fundamentally, the spelling of my name isn't the most important--it’s what I perceived and valued that mattered. My name encapsulated who I was: the experiences I’ve been through, the values I stand by. It wasn’t the sound, the spelling, the length. We are often the harshest critics of ourselves. My understanding of my name will continue to grow and adapt as I continue to grow and adapt.